Defiance

 

I was born in Liverpool, but moved to Canada as an infant. I was the prototypical city kid, we rambled around Downtown Red Deer at will. Somewhere around the age of 8 my life changed forever. Part of this shift was due in part to my father finding religion.

Events had unfolded in his life that had connected him to Holdeman Mennonites. They would be between a Baptist and Amish in terms of lifestyle.  No radio, no tv, no dating, but individual homes and freedoms. Apart from this one year my memories are very positive and I will write about this more in other posts.

My Father felt that even though we were in a Christian School already in Red Deer,  we should attend the very small two roomed Mennonite school close to Stettler, Ab.

We had a family meeting planned, but before the meeting my dad pulled me aside and indicated he really wanted me to go. During our meeting when asked if I’d like to go I  knew I had no choice.

“Sure, I said” by this time I was already  fiercely independent and knew I could handle things on my own. Plus I had my two older sisters going as well. When the school term drew near, we packed up and went to board with a local farmer (Mennonite) and his wife and 2 children. My two older sisters were given a room, and I was to share a bed with the Farmers son. I felt completely abandoned.

I am almost certain this is where I learned to be defiant. Very defiant.  I was in trouble a lot. I can’t tell you what a shock it was to go from being a city kid to trying to be a farm kid. I sucked at it. I DID learn a work ethic that has served me well my entire life though.

I remember being warned about leaving a feed door open. So I continued to leave it open until I was strapped for it. I remember punching the farmers son in the face until he stopped bugging me. He was bigger and stronger but I had learned to not care. I remember being forced to wear a velvet vest, and throwing it in the garbage and telling the farmers wife who had made it for me I had misplaced it. I remember puking all over the farmers table, because he made me eat only  butter on my toast, I guess butter and Jam was wasteful. I did a lot wrong. And I don’t care to this day. No regrets.

But my greatest act of defiance (in my own mind) happened at school. I was in trouble a lot at school as well. This week I had had my mouth washed out with soap because I chewed pencils. I find this funny because I now see I have a oral fixation and I chew everything. I don’t do drugs or booze, I chew things and to this day I put my thumb in my mouth.

On this day, I had been strapped for destroying property. My property. I don’t have an attachment to things so I really never care if I break my stuff. Never have. The strap obviously never worked. This child (me) was spoiled long before the rod was used.

In this two room school they would ring a bell at the end of the day and we were to line up single file outside along a side walk. Then a subsequent bell would ring and we’d get to walk to a waiting bus; a van in this case.

Still fresh off of my latest strapping, I had the perfect plan. As the first bell rang I grabbed my lunch box and quickly got to the front of the line. I neatly set my box down on the sidewalk, just a foot or two off to the side. I then slowly drifted  to the back of the line. No one really noticed.

I waited with anticipation for the second bell to ring.

It rang…. I charged  from  the back, running with purpose towards my lunch pail and like a punter I planted a leg and put my entire body into booting my lunchpail across the parking lot.

It was beautiful. I’ll never forget it. That kit never had a chance, I can still see it arcing beautifully, one half going left, the other half going right, and the plastic thing to hold the thermos down going in another direction. I watched as the pieces hit the ground, then walked to my bus, and went to the back to sit down. I let the pieces sit where they had landed.

No one knew what to do. It’s not like they could strap me again. It was done. I had won. (In my own mind) I saw their bet and raised it. They folded.

My dad came to get me, I  don’t think I’ve ever been so happy to see him. My dad was always the best when I messed up. I was given a week off, and then I returned. My sisters where there, if they hadn’t been you wouldn’t of got me back there.

My entire life I’ve been defiant. Often to my own detriment. I’ll stand up to anyone and everyone, and this isn’t always a good thing. But I will never regret THAT  day. If you never stand up for yourself, people will just keep knocking  you down.

If anyone got this far, thank you for reading.

Tris.