Two Ships In The Night

Maybe its my fear of intimacy, but I’ve always found it easier to connect with a stranger than with someone I love.

I push people away when they get close to me. I like people at a certain distance. Not too close, but please don’t go. I think it has been greatly misunderstood, by them and myself.

The consequence of this has been a life alone. Alone in a family. Alone in a relationship. Alone in a crowd. There’s been brief periods in my life where the clouds lifted, and I was open, It felt as if I was truly living. I describe it as coming out of a grey world into one with vibrant colours. The one exception to this has been my relationship with my children, they have always lit up my world.

I’m willing to admit its been unhealthy. That’s obvious. But, like everything there has been a silver lining. One of the silver linings has been random connections I refer to as two ships in the night.

Ships that pass in the night, and speak each other in passing, only a signal shown, and a distant voice in the darkness; So on the ocean of life, we pass and speak one another, only a look and a voice, then darkness again and a silence. -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

The metaphor is a bit different for me than it was for the Poet who created it. When I read his poem, it sounds like the encounter holds little meaning or significance. For me, the idea of two vessels journeying across the ocean in murky darkness, crossing paths and bringing each other a degree of warmth and comfort, makes me smile. It has significance.

In my life, many times, I have felt alone, in the dark. Then, along that journey I meet someone, going in another direction but under similar conditions; It brings me comfort. There is no possible way of traveling together, we have different destinations, but for a moment, we are at the same place, same time. Together.

To all the ships whose bright lights brought me comfort, Thank you. You probably know who you are. To those that I loved, it broke my heart to see you go. You were so much more than a welcome ship in the night, you were my destination.

If you read this far, Thank you.

Tris