Romance

There is something that I’ve never been good at. It’s never come naturally to me.

This week I’m teaching myself how to fly instrument approaches in a private jet on my flight simulator. I’ve watched hours of Garmin 1000 tutorials. I’ve even decided I don’t need such sophisticated equipment to get my little Cessna down if I get trapped in lousy weather.

I’ve figured out how to get myself to within a mile of the runway on track, get myself to 500′ above the runway. If I get my speed to 60 MPH and set up at 500 fpm descent, I should be able to hit the runway in zero visibility if it was an emergency. No IFR equipment needed. There’s always a way if you just think.

You know what thinking can’t do for you? You can’t think yourself into a romantic person. That’s magic. That’s a gift from God. God did not give me this gift.

I don’t like cuddling. Not generally. I don’t like gazing into someone’s eyes. I don’t understand flowers. I don’t have any idea why 3 bags of groceries need two people to carry them in. I can put 8 of those bags around one hand. So when asked to help carry in 3 bags I’m completely bewildered, I’m not deliberately trying to be unhelpful.

I have a friend named Sean. He’s got the gift. He’s always planning a surprise, an adventure, whatever. Everyone seems better at it than me. You know whats funny tho? I bet I could write a hell of a romance novel.

I’d write about a humble, overlooked guy in the shadow of a rich peer. He’d happen to randomly meet said dudes fiancée, let’s say. Shocker, they’d connect. At some point rugged humble dude would get falsely accused of something to make him even more sympathetic. The beautiful heroine would see through it all, reach down from her throne, and lift up her prince. They’d hold each other’s faces before he’d drop to his knees at her feet in the rain sobbing, abs showing through his t-shirt.

How how hard is it to make a likeable character?

Then, the jilted fiancé is filled with rage, self loathing, resentment, and lays out a path of destruction that destroys everything he loves as he spirals into addiction to numb the memories of his father telling him he’ll never be enough. All he ever wanted was to be poor, be like his friends, and not constantly be pressured to be the best. Now the kid that got to grow up that way just rode into the sunset with the girl he loved, despite his best efforts to frame him. He’s ends up living on Sesame Street in a garbage can. He becomes a hero of yours truly… Shit, lost the plot there, and let MY idea of romance slip in.

I can’t tell you how many times I think I’m doing so well, only to find out the person I love is unhappy. I never see it coming really. I know they are right, I’ve heard it so many times before. But I never know how to be something I’m not. By its very nature romance is spontaneous. You can’t go learn it.

I want to believe there are others like me. And if anyone reads this, and is married or loves someone like me; I want you to know they love you as much as anyone. Maybe more. Trust it. You likely won’t, but he/she wishes you would.

If you read this far thank you,

Tris.