Fallen

Fallen people are my favourite people. There but for the grace of God go I. My friend Devon and I used to to meet up after work on a Friday night, and spend the night drinking with the men that spent Mon-Friday there. The world made sense when in the company of these men.

At his bachelor party he went missing in New Orleans in the French Quarter. Call it luck but with little worry I enlisted a friend and found him in 10 min. I didn’t look on Royal or Bourbon St. I looked down the back alleys. Sure enough, there was Devon sitting with a homeless person, and his dog. The homeless person had on Devon’s favourite hat and they were both drinking out of a brown bag. The twosome turned into a foursome and was my favourite night there. We didn’t seek these people out to slum around, we sought them out because we felt at home with them. We loved their authenticity.

I’ve written about this before, but it’s a huge part of me. I honestly feel the best of us are the ones that society has outcast, fallen to addiction, or just simply ended their life.

One day I hope to write a book called “Died Suddenly”. That’s the term we use when people end their life. Each chapter will begin with a suicide note. Then I’ll attempt to tell that persons story. When they ended their life they had no hope, thought no one was listening, felt their loved ones were better off without them, or just simply couldn’t take the pain anymore. Perhaps they felt they had simply outlived their usefulness. I want to prove them wrong and make their lives heard. At least by me and the 3 people who might read such a book.

I got this character trait from my Dad. It also runs in all my siblings. As a family physician many of our holiday dinners would have the outcasts in his practice around our dinner table. Men who had fought for Nazi Germany, Bank robbers, Lonely seniors, etc. all shared Christmas dinners with the Cottiers. To this day siblings get messages from patients expressing gratitude to my Dad. One letter recently recounted,

“….your father said, you don’t need a prescription, you need a cheque, he then pulled out his chequebook and handed me one.”

You don’t have to agree with people to love them. I met a man at the Town and Country bar in Bowness I’ll never forget. He had dearly loved two women. Married the first who died in a car accident after 10 yrs. He had mourned her for a decade, then finally fell in love again. His second love died as well. She got sick and died quickly. He gave up. He spoke to me for hours about women, how to treat them. The waitresses told me he was the most respectful customer. He made them feel safe and always supported them in their goals. He had his name carved in the bar. He was successful. He drank himself to death. Bad choice for sure, but don’t tell me this man wasn’t one of the best ever.

I spent 2 nights with a drifter in BC. I miss him to this day. He had a similar story. Lost his family. Didn’t want to restart. Was happy with what he had been given, didn’t need more. When I asked him If I could get him a hotel, he said he had a place. As I left I saw him setting up in the ditch beside the road. Am I crazy to think he was a happier man than me?

My life is changing. Soon 2 weeks of the month it’ll be just me and Bauer. I’ll drink much less than I used to, but I’ll find more of these lords in peasants clothes. Maybe ill have 1 beer instead of 15, maybe I’ll mention Jesus and what he has done for me. But mostly I want to listen. I want to be taken down their life’s journey.

People are NOT the sum of their successes or failures. If you want to find something interesting or unique, look outside the norms. Society punishes people that struggle to follow norms.

On one arm I have my kids names tattooed on it. On another is an excerpt from a poem I miserably try to live my life by. It’s ‘If’ by Rudyard Kipling. The line I chose was:

…..if you can meet with Triumph and Disaster and treat those two imposters just the same.

To me that means success and failure are illusions. Certainly not something to define or measure people by. I hope whoever reads this, will look at people differently.

If you read this far, thank you.

Tris