For a lot of my life I was depressed. Surrounded with people I loved but mired in fog. I was in pain. I felt like I did not belong anywhere, that I was not enough. I now know we can all feel this way. Understanding this helps me love those I used to despise.
Since, I have figured a few things out. The most important thing was believing God loved me. So hard to accept. I had broken every vow I had made, made all the big mistakes. How could the creator of every great thing love me? but accept it I did. Everything changed. Wounds I thought would never heal scarred over. The marks are there but the pain is gone. Mostly.
One of the beautiful things in life is as you journey along you sometimes are given moments to relive:
Sitting in Church with my Dad a few weeks ago the congregation began to sing. My Dad was following the lyrics with his finger as he belted them out. It was not polished but it was authentic. It took me back in time, I was 10 years old again, sitting beside my dad as he sang, I was happy.
I feel a lot of love. I feel. Maybe thats the biggest thing. I am here and I am happy. When I see people my age dying, I feel guilty it is not me. Did I not wish for it? Why them? Why not me? Only God knows.
Jesus says in John 10:10,
“The thief cometh not but to steal and to kill and to destroy. I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.”
Thank you Jesus for my life. If it is ok with you, I’d like to stay a while. Heaven can wait. Tell mum I love her. Tell her I am happy and reading the Book she gave me. Your Book.
If you read this far, thank you.
Tris
Tristram's Blog 